once he was out of the house

Once he was out of the house things worked every wich way to keep us apart. I told him i didn't want to work things out. However he told me he didn't want to loose his family and how he loved us and is willing to work on things. He promised to go to counseling and even go to anger management. Of course i had to set everything up. And wouldn't you know that our insurance reported cps on us since he had been hitting me infront of our daughter and throwing his fits in front of her. At first I was a little upset but i knew this was a blessing in disguise it gauranteed that he had to be out of the house atleast for a period of time and it actually recorded the abuse. We had been going to counseling but things were not working. Eventually his little secret came out. He had been mentally breaking apart he had confessed about hearing his own voice talking to him and how he just wasn't mentally right. I begged and convinced him to talk to a doctor about getting on meds and he actually did. He was diagnosed as having anxiety disorder and being bi-polar. so i thought maybe this is why and everything i thought seemed to make sense. He began hiding things from me he started going back to his old self even though we were supposed to be working things out. He started smoking pot again behind my back, going out, and then eventually cheating on me with his sisters friend. That was the worst he would play house with her bringing my daughter to her house to stay the night and they would have family outings behind my back. All the while he was doing this with around his co workers whom i too worked with. His family knew about it too and lied for him and covered up for him aswell. i had never felt so small and stupid in my life. He made me look like the dumbest girl ever and pathetic too. i knew he was cheating on me but he continued to lie and lie about it. it hurt to hear my daughter talking about his other girl knowing she was being honest to have my husband lie and act like she lying to me. During this pregnancy i had never exerience so much pain and heartbrache dealing with him. I would break down and tell him how i knew he was lying but he continued to deny it and would even try to guilt trip me about it. He even had her come around me he didn't care and neither did she and i felt helpless i was about to have my baby soon and i knew i wasn't gonna be working for six weeks. everything was so hectic my life felt like it was spinning out of control and i had no one but two friends to confide in. When my mom had moved to dallas it was so much comfort and my prayer felt like they were beginning to be answered. Once i had the baby my husband decided to stop helping me pay the bills. I had my baby in november and by dec 14 i had to be out of my apt. He didn't care he was still playing with his new girl friend and telling me how lucky i was for him to be helping even though he had just left me homeless with a 3 year old and a newborn baby. just because he helped me moved. Thankfully my mom had a apt she had already paid for since she did traveling nursing so she made me move to amarillo since i had no where else to stay. My husband threw a fit but he left me with no choice and didn't care about my situation he just wanted things that made him happy. Once i got to amarillo it was a breathe of fresh air. I was stressed i had no job and only the money my mom had given me for gas and necessities till i found a job. I felt helpless and pathetic and worthless as a mother to my girls. My husband in the entire six months i was there sent a little over 2hundred that wasn't even enough to cover daycare or lyrics diapers during that time. But we never came first. During his time with his girlfriend he did want to leave me while we were supposed to be reconciling but i cried and begged him not to. It was never that i loved him and wanted him to stay with me atleast def. not this time. I just didn't know how i was to do it right when i was a 6wks from having the baby. I thought maybe i could just rush school and get some kind of certificate to finish school and then leave his sorry ass but things never work out. I look back on alot of the things that he did during this period and it hurt worse than him hitting me. That was my official rock bottom he had broken me apart and spit on me. Once i gotten away and put some distance between us i began to see me again. I started fixing myself up again, Enjoying the company of friends again, and i had confidence too. I had started a new job and gettting out i realized maybe i'm not so ugly and fat as my husband had been telling me for years. I started noticing the attention i was getting from the opposite sex and it felt good to feel pretty again. I had friends and my personality was back. For the first time in four years i had began to feel like me again,i was joking around, going out, and taking care of myself too. He continued to call telling me how he was a changed man and how he had been taking his meds. He said he had finally woken up and how he should of never treated me the way he did and would talk and talk to me trying to convince  me of the new him. But i never fully believed him , i realized how happy i was and i remembered how small he made me.