time to wrap up sleeping with a monster

 so after i had busted his head i ended up in jail. I thought this would be my rock bottom and it definitely should of been. Not only did he keep my daughter from me for almost two weeks ( i couldn't see her or talk to her) but this went on my record so my dream of becoming a social worker or counselor flushed down the drain with the time i spent in school. And after 6 months of separation i reconciled with him for him to just say sorry about having that shit on my record. He of course continued to lie and later i found out while we were separated he had been selling drugs with his brother out of his parents house. To put the icing on the cake the would lie for him since the of course were benefiting from it since this meant they didn't have to work. Even though i suspected it i couldn't prove it and just knew that sooner or later the truth would come out. We eventually got back together and moved into our apt. in arlington away from everyone i know and close to all of his dysfunctional family. Things started off a bit rocky but began to go well we were even working together. But nothing always stays good for long when you living with a liar. He started doing what he wanted again smoking behind my back and lying again. He had wanted to leave me a few months after we had gotten back together but i actually cried and beg for him to stay and did everything to be on my best behavior. (CRAZY huh i actually wanted and begged for this man to stay). I guess i was scared of doing everything alone he had always told me how broke i would be and how i wouldn't be able to do it that i really believed him. As time passed we were doing good everything seemed to be perfect even everyone at work thought we were happily married. I wanted to give him everything and i knew he wanted a boy so (i know i was dumb) i wanted another kid because i wanted a boy and i wanted my oldest to have a sibling to play with. So once i got pregnant the same issue began to arise he began loosing his temper. The first time i had thrown water at him because of the things we was yelling at me (probably calling me a fat bitch ) he got up set and ran up to me and spit in my face. I can not tell you how horrible it feels to have someone spit in your face especially you husband. i through the plastic Pitcher at him and then of course he had to Do what he called "restraining me " were he would grab me by the hair pin me down and pull me up by my hair while hold me down so it would hurt. I never fought back after we got back together because i was pregnant and it wasn't worth it.  He never even felt bad about that didn't even care i was pregnant. Then the other woman starting coming around the family i was about 6month and the first time i met her i had a bad feeling about her. my husband tried not to acknowledge her and she acted very indifferent  towards me. He began wanting to hangout with his sister and would lie about her being there. He would go out and lie about her being there and would tell me it was guys night out so he could go out and hang out with her. I hated him and my eyes were definitely opening up wider while i was pregnant.

 So things were piling and i was getting fed up. I hated him i disliked looking at him and i hated how dirty he did me and how he made me feel. Pregnant or not i wanted him out. We were out supposed to be having a family dinner when he pretty much left me at his parents house while he left to party and get trashed with his sister. He didn't care how upset i was i felt like he left me there to be watched so he can party. Even his own mother had a bad taste about the whole situation. (she knew i was leaving him at her house when i did and she knew i wasn't coming back too) So after dinner with his parents alone and putting our oldest to bed i waited up for him since he had the keys and wallet. when he got home he was sloshed didn't give a care about how upset i was. i just stayed calm picked up my sleeping daughter (i was pregnant too) and grabbed the keys and wallet and walked out i told him i wasn't mad and i just left. the next day i told myself i would rather be poor and broke then miserable with that man who didn't give to shits about me or our family. I never picked him up or even called nor did he call me. i spent the day and applied for foodstamps and any kind of welfare i could get since i was only a few months from having this baby and i was tired of this life with this man. Well his parents brought him home and oh man was there hell to pay. He was upset and i tried to stay calm my daughter was sitting next to me and he was yelling at me and was in my face. he yelled for his parents to leave and the actually left. They knew what was about to happen they didn't care that i was about to get hit infront of my daughter (their grand daughter) or that i was pregnant.  i wouldn't look at him and i told him i didn't want to be with him and how i would rather be alone and poor then miserable. he grabbed me by my hair and spit in my face i cried and i didn't even stand up for myself instead my daughter tried to sit on my lap to keep between her dad and me. there is no worse feeling than to know that your little girl is willing to protect you and your not even protecting yourself or her. i cried and started to have  a panic attack and bagan to cramp he wouldn't even take me to the hospital i was scared i was gonna loose the baby. i told him i would call an ambulance and then he decided he would take me. He took the long route to the hospital and yelled about how he hoped i would die, that i'm just gonna try to get him in trouble. He gave to shits about the baby or me all he was worried about was his own personal well being. He then called his dad when we got to the hospital so he could get out of the area if the cops were called since he had put his hands on me. I was scared to even go to the hospital i didn't want him running off with my daughter again and i was scared of the consequences of dealing with him later. after things settled he tried to get me to sign a hand written letter about what he would have to pay for but i refused then he finally calmed down and i took him to his friends house since he was not gonna be staying at our apt anymore. That night i prayed and (like my old Mexican roots) i lit a candle. But instead of praying for things to start working in our relationship i prayed for god to do whats best for my kids and myself. I prayed for God to put everything in place to be what best. And that day i know god was listening and was there for me because after that everything fell into place to keep me and my husband apart. Even though at times i wanted to save the marriage i could never be more grateful for God hearing my words. Once he was out of the house and the ball was rolling it was like a snow ball rolling down hill only going faster and getting bigger. I still think about the prayer and the day i really genuinely talked to God and asked for his mercy and help. That will be the day my life changed.